The Model for Marriage (5)

We conclude our study of the great model of marriage in Solomon’s Song. The opening verses of Chapter 7 (1-9) record Solomon’s even more intimate description of his wife than the one on their wedding night, starting with her feet and going up from there. This demonstrates that physical intimacy between husband and wife is God given. Verse 6, in fact, declares that it is for our enjoyment: “How fair and how pleasant art thou, O love, for delights!” In verse 10, she responds passionately, “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.” She goes so far as to take the initiative in verses 11-13 by suggesting they go into countryside to be together. In 8:1-4 we see her desire for even greater intimacy. While this sounds odd to our western ears, in the ancient Near East public displays of affection were frowned upon except by family members, so she playfully wishes that he were her younger brother so she could kiss him anytime she wished. In verse 3 she once again joyfully anticipates their next time together.

As the story nears its conclusion, we read of the nature of true love in verses 5-7. First, true love is a seal. A seal is a symbol of ownership, and she wants it to be clear that she belongs to no one else. While such a thought is repugnant to the feminist, it is the foundational desire of the godly woman. Second, true love is strong, as “strong as death,” in fact. Both are irresistible. Third, true love is singular. She knew how harmful jealousy is and hoped that he never gave her reason to be jealous by looking at other women. Fourth, true love is stirring; it is passionate, as “coals of fire” and “vehement flame.” And fifth, true love is supreme. Verse 7 concludes: “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned [i.e. despised].” Nothing can quench true love and nothing is more valuable. Are these principles true in our marriages?

The closing verses (8-14) are a reminiscence of how it all began. How important this is for all couples to do! After 32 years of marriage, my wife and I still reminisce. “Remember when?” one of us will ask, and then we relive that time. Likewise, this wife remembers her brothers protecting her when she was a little girl and encouraging her to stay pure. She could either be “a wall” that would resist all men who wanted her only for sex, or she could be “a door” that would allow anyone entrance. She recalls, however, that she chose to be a wall. She then remembers meeting Solomon in a vineyard that he had leased out to her brothers. It was there that she fell in love with him. Verses 13-14 recall the early days of the courtship and show that the passion of those days is still alive and well. Whenever he is gone from home, she says, “Make haste, my beloved” to come back to me so we can be together.

Solomon’s Song is a beautiful picture of the “covenant of companionship” that God designed marriage to be (Mal. 2:14). It exalts the personal characteristics of a man and woman on which a marriage is to be partially based. But the Song is also a graphic testimony of God’s endorsement of physical love between husband and wife. It is a relationship in which there should be three last realities: total openness, enduring romance, and lasting passion. 

We’ll close with a story that is told of William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925), the great American lecturer and political leader, who was also a devoted Christian and defender of the faith. While having his portrait painted, Bryan was asked, “Why do you wear your hair over your ears?” Bryan responded, “There is a romance connected with that. When I began courting Mrs. Bryan, she objected to the way my ears stood out. So to please her, I let my hair grow to cover them.” “But that was many years ago,” the artist said. “Why don’t you have your hair cut now?” Bryan winked and answered, “Because the romance is still going on.” 

As we prepare ourselves for Paul’s instructions to husbands and wives, I pray that each of our marriages will have continued romance.

The Model for Marriage (4)

We come now to chapters 3-6 of the great model of marriage in Solomon’s Song. In 3:1-4, the wedding is approaching and the maiden has a dream brought on by a fear of losing her Beloved. She looks everywhere, finally seeks him, and takes him to her mother’s house, the most secure place she knows. Verse 5 ends the courting section with another reminder against the arousal of uncontrolled sexual passion before the right time. The wedding was almost there.

Verses 6-11 describe the wedding procession, which customarily was led by the groom to the bride’s home, when he then took her to their new home. There was then a wedding feast that lasted about a week. While the feast continued, however, the couple still consummated the marriage on the wedding night. We read the details of the wedding night in 4:1-5:1. Up to now, Solomon’s physical desire has been delicately phrased, but from here on it is open and explicit, which is totally appropriate for a married couple. I’ll leave the reader to explore the details, but Solomon thoroughly describes her body (vs. 1-7), tells her that she has “ravished [stolen] his heart” (v. 9), calls her “sister” (a very affectionate term for one’s wife in the ancient Near East, v. 10), praises her for her virginity (a “closed garden” and “sealed fountain,” v. 12-14), and then enjoys her as, to use her own delicate term, a “garden” (v. 16; 5:1). She reciprocates in verse 11 and enjoys him as well.

Starting in 5:2 and going through the rest of book, we see the maturing of the marriage. At first, however, we see a problem (vs. 2-16). While intimacy, joy, and physical desire did not fade between the couple, the “little foxes” of 2:15 silently crept in. While some view this passage as a dream, it is more likely quite real. In either case, however, it is dramatic and teaches a very important lesson. Solomon is late coming home (which is a challenge to all husbands to avoid this whenever possible), and is looking forward to being with his wife. She, however, is already in bed and groggily answers in effect, “I just don’t want to get up again.” We see, then, that he is late, and she is indifferent. Here is a challenge to every couple to take great care not to drift apart, not to take each other for granted.

Solomon doesn’t give up yet. He tries the door first, but when it doesn’t open he then surrenders. 

Finally realizing what she’s done, she flies out of bed and opens the door, but he’s gone. She even smells his scent on the door handle and is in total despair. She runs through the streets looking for him but can’t find him. Finally, she asks the women of Jerusalem to help her look for him and if they find him to tell him that she is lovesick and miserable. “But what is so special about him that makes you so miserable?” they ask her. “Why is he any different then any other man?” This takes her back to her courting days, and she lists all the things about him that made her love him in the first place, ending with the words, “This is my beloved, and this is my friend.” That’s why he’s different! He is mine, he is my friend, it is to him I am committed and devoted.

“Okay, where should we look?” the women ask, as chapter 6 opens (vs. 1-3). Knowing him the way she does, it hits her, “Of course, he’s gone to his garden.” She goes to him and they are reconciled. Verses 4-10 are from his perspective. There is no bitterness and total forgiveness. He praises her and makes it clear that his love has not diminished since their first night together. Verses 11-13 are from her perspective. She is exhilarated to know that their love is still flourishing. She has no doubt that he loves her because he puts her in his chariot to make a public display of their reconciliation (v. 12). The women of the palace call to her as the chariot races by, and they can see the joy in her face (v. 13).

The Model for Marriage (3)

Turning to chapter 2 in Solomon’s Song, the great model of marriage in Scripture, in verse 1, the maiden thinks of herself as only common flowers, a rose and a lily. What a contrast that is to today’s vanity and immodesty. In verse 2, however, as far as he is concerned, the King views all other women as thorns and her as the lily among them.

Staying with a nature metaphor, in verses 3-6 she likens him to “the apple tree.” Most guys today would frown at that one, but not in that day. The metaphor graphically pictured three aspects of love that are important to women. First, she says, “I sat down under his shadow with great delight,” which is a picture of protection. In contrast to her working in the brutal sun (1:6), in him she found rest.

Second, she says, “His fruit was sweet to my taste,” which pictures provision. At the very foundation of a marriage is the husband’s providing for his wife’s needs, and she was totally secure in that. Third, she says “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love,” which pictures proclamation. I love the picture here! He took her to the banquet hall to “show her off.” In essence he put a “banner” over her proclaiming that he was not ashamed of her or embarrassed to proclaim his love for her.

Today’s macho philosophy that says men are weak if they show affection is not only unbiblical but, if I may be blunt, is also pretty stupid. She was so taken by his affection and his demonstration of it, in fact, that she was “love sick” (v. 5), a common theme in Near Eastern love poetry. She was so weakened that she needed both physical strength from food (“flagons,” that is, raisons, and “apples”) and also emotional strength from his intimate embrace. To my fellow husbands out there, I encourage us all that our wives thrive on such intimacy.

In light of the emphasis on the physical attraction that we have seen, verse 7 provides an essential control: “I charge you, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes, and by the hinds of the field, that ye stir not up, nor awake my love, till he please.” It’s not certain who the “daughters of Jerusalem” were, but some views include: ladies of the royal court, concubines in the royal harem (not likely), or all female inhabitants of Jerusalem. Whichever is correct, the point here is a warning against the arousal of uncontrolled sexual passion before the right time. Marital and premarital chastity are elsewhere encouraged in the Song (4:12; 8:8-12). Indeed, the most important thing a young lady can do to prepare for her future marriage is to stay pure.

The same is true, however, for a young man. In Proverbs 5-7, Solomon writes of what immorality will do to a young man, and it should be read often as a reminder. In 6:32-33 we read, “Whoso committeth adultery with a woman lacketh understanding: he that doeth it destroyeth his own soul. A wound and dishonour shall he get; and his reproach shall not be wiped away.” There’s no double-standard in God’s law, as there is in our society. Both young ladies and young men should stay pure and wait for God to sanction intimacy with their spouse. It will be worth the wait.

In verses 8-14, the maiden describes Solomon as a “roe or a young hart” (that is, a gazelle or deer) as he approaches. He’s attractive, strong, and agile, and is moving quickly because he can’t wait to see her. It’s springtime and they go for a walk. Everything they see—the flowers, birds, trees, and vines—stimulates the senses and reminds them of the beauty of their love.

Verses 14-15 are very special: “O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely. Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.” What beautiful poetry! Doves hide in the clefts of the hills to avoid detection. Solomon requests, then, that she come out and show her entire self to him and hold back nothing. “I want to know you,” he says, “I want to know everything about you.”

Solomon also mentions “foxes,” which is extremely important to the rest of the story. Foxes are always a sign of trouble, so anything that would spoil their relationship should be dealt with, brought out into the open and addressed. How important the “doves” and “foxes” are in a relationship! And how vital it is that couples receive adequate premarital counsel! Tragically, however, very little such counsel occurs in churches day.

Verses 16-17 declare the very foundation of marriage, that each owns the other: “My beloved is mine, and I am his” (cf. I Cor. 7:2-3). They look forward to their marriage when they can embrace “until the day break.”

The Model for Marriage (2)

Continuing our look at the greatest model of marriage, why is Solomon’s Song part of Scripture? Why put “a love story” in the Bible? After all, the Bible is a book about spiritual truth. Why put in something so earthly? 

One commentator well sums up the purpose of this wonderful book: “The purpose of the book is to extol human love and marriage. Though at first this seems strange, on reflection it is not surprising for God to have included in the biblical canon a book endorsing the beauty and purity of marital love. God created man and woman (Gen. 1:27; 2:20-23) and established and sanctioned marriage (Gen. 2:24). Since the world views sex so sordidly and perverts and exploits it so persistently and since so many marriages are crumbling because of lack of love, commitment, and devotion, it is advantageous to have a book in the Bible that gives God’s endorsement of marital love as wholesome and pure.”

Amen. If marriage is the very foundation of society, of living, of having and training children, of all human relationships, doesn’t it make sense that God would devote an entire book of Holy Scripture to it? If Scripture is authoritative and solely sufficient in every possible issue, would not the subject of marital love be treated in a practical, straightforward, even graphic manner?

Let’s take a brief look at this love story and compare its model with our own marriages. In the opening words of the Song (1:2-4), it’s actually the physical side of love that is mentioned first, which seems to conflict with the common view that says, “The physical doesn’t matter at all in choosing a mate.” The maiden speaks of her desire for the Beloved’s physical affection and lists the physical features that attract her to him. The desire for physically intimacy is clear. Yes, while marriage must be based on much more than just physical attraction or it will indeed fail, such desire is not only allowed, but is considered good and healthy. 

In verses 5-8, the maiden speaks of herself as being “black.” The Hebrew here (shecharchoreth) refers to “skin that is swarthy, darkened, in context because of the sun’s rays.” She, therefore, feels that the Sun has marred her complexion because she worked so much outdoors, in contrast to the ladies in the palace. But here is, in fact, a key to her character—she’s not afraid to work. Nonetheless, in her insecurity, she needs the Beloved’s reassurance.

Another key to her character are the words “why should I be as one that turneth aside?” (v. 7). As Young’s Literal Translation phrases it, “For why am I as one veiled?” Unlike Tamar (Gen. 38:14-16), this girl values purity and rejects the veil (or any appearance) of the wandering prostitute. So important is propriety, in fact, that she insists on specifying a particular place and time for them to meet.

Solomon’s reassurance comes in verses 9-11. He calls her “my love” nine times, starting here in verse 9 and then in 1:16; 2:2,10, 13; 4:1,7; 5:2; 6:4. He compares her “to a company of horses in Pharaoh’s chariots.” While most girls today wouldn’t appreciate such a comparison, girls of that day would because no animal was considered more beautiful and graceful. Being poor, she doesn’t have jewelry, but he compliments her further that her “cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, [and her] neck with chains of gold.” In other words, “You don’t need jewelry. You are already adorned with natural jewels.” Husbands, when was the last time you complimented your wife? Billy Sunday is quoted as saying, “Try praising your wife, even if it frightens her at first.”

In verses 12-14 the maiden speaks of the smell of her perfume that will reach the King as he sits on his throne. Scent plays a powerful role in physical attraction. She also pictures in her mind the intimacy of their sleeping together.

In verse 15, we see the couple looking into each other’s eyes and talking, a key to intimacy. The King compliments her eyes, calling them “doves’ eyes,” as doves are known for their tranquility and purity. Verses 16-17 reveal that they are lying beside each other on the grass with the forest surrounding them. What a romantic setting! “The Bible actually talks about romance?” we might ask. Indeed, It does.

The Model for Marriage (1)

In previous installments we have examined the meaning and motives for marriage. In the next few, I would like to share a wonderful blessing with you, namely, the model for marriage. And there is no better model in all of Scripture than the book titled, “Solomon’s Song.”

The title “Song of Solomon” that appears in several English translations comes from verse 1, which states that the book was written by Solomon. The ancient Hebrew versions, however, call it “Song of Songs.” This title translates the superlative in the Hebrew, as does “Holy of Holies,” for example (Ex. 26:33-4). In other words, of the 1,005 songs that Solomon wrote, this is the song, Solomon’s best.

Solomon’s Song is a love story, and what a story it is! Once in a while a writer will pen a good love story, and once in a great while a movie is made that tells a good love story (instead of the typical lust story). But here is a real love story, one that is beautiful and absolutely pure. Once again, while it’s not perfect, simply because people are not perfect, it does serve as a perfect model. In light of the perversion of love and marriage in our day, Hebrews 13:4 captures the heart of this love story: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” As this story underscores, the physical relationship between husband and wife is, as the Greek amiantos (“undefiled”) indicates, unpolluted, unstained, and unsoiled by sin.

There are two principle characters in the story: Solomon, who is referred to as “the Beloved” 32 times in the King James Version (inexplicably, the margin in the NIV refers to Solomon as “Lover” and the maiden as “the Beloved.” Why such a total reversal of what has been recognized through the ages?), and the Shulamite maiden. 

While her identity is uncertain, three possibilities stand out. One is that she was an unknown maiden from Shulam, but there is no other mention of Shulam in the Bible or the known extra-Biblical literature. Other interpreters say that it is simply another name for Shulem, located in lower Galilee, but that seems conjectural. The third possibility makes more sense. In the Hebrew, “Shulamite” is actually the feminine form (Shulammith) of Solomon (Shelomoh). As scholar Augustus Strong points out, because the definite article is present, the term is “a pet name.” In other words, having become Solomon’s wife, she took his name, which was a common practice then as it is now, and which was instituted in Genesis 5:2, as God called “their name Adam,” not just his name.

Solomon’s Song has been variously interpreted. Both the allegorical and typological views don’t approach it literally. In one way or another, they make the characters and events mean something that’s not stated in the text. The most common idea is that the whole story depicts God’s love either for Israel or the Church. The Church, however, cannot possibly be in view because it was a mystery in Old Testament times, hidden from the foundation of the world and not revealed until the New Testament Apostles and Prophets (Rom. 16:25-6; Eph. 3:9). Even more basic than that, however, nowhere in the book is God’s love the subject, rather the love of a man and woman.

We should also interject that such spiritualizing has caused hymn writers to refer to Christ as the Rose of Sharon and the Lily of the Valley (2:1), but that simply is not so; the Shulamite maiden used both terms not of Messiah but of herself, considering herself as common as those flowers. Solomon, however, disagreed in the next verse by saying that she was not just any lily but “the lily among thorns.” 

We submit, therefore, that by spiritualizing Solomon’s Song, we totally miss its literal, deep, and vitally important message. There is no justification whatsoever for viewing the book in any other way than to take it at face value, to look at it in a normal, literal fashion. When we do, we see in its three main sections Solomon’s days of courtship (1:2-3:5), his wedding and early days of his first marriage (3:6-5:1), and the growth and maturing of that marriage (5:2-8:4). While we might wonder how Solomon could have been the author of this song when he indulged in the forbidden pagan practice of polygamy (700 wives and 300 concubines, I Kings 11:3), the answer is undoubtedly that this was his first marriage, as implied in Ecclesiastes 9:9: “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of [your] life.” We’ll continue in the next several installments.

The Motives for Marriage (3)

The first biblical motive for marriage is companionship.

Second, marriage provides sexual protection. The key passage here is I Corinthians 7:2-3: “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication [i.e., any sexual perversion], let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” God’s design and beautiful balance is that to prevent sexual sin, we get married and have a physical relationship that is mutually beneficial to both husband and wife.

It is fitting that this instruction appears in Paul’s letter to the Corinthian believers. Among the Greeks most sex was outside of marriage, and the Corinthian believers were in the thick of it. While Paul deals with sins in the areas of attitude in 1:10-4:21— the major attitudes being pride and arrogance—in chapter 5 he turns to the sins of action, primarily in fact, with sexual sin. Such sin arose then for the same reasons it arises today, namely, humanistic education and amoral philosophy. Temple prostitution, for example, actually glorified promiscuous sex. Such relations were so common that the practice came to be called “Corinthianizing.” Many believers had formerly been involved in such immorality, and it was hard for them to break with the old ways and easy to fall back into them.

Later in the letter (6:12-20), Paul details three evils of sexual sin. First, he writes that it is not “expedient” (v. 12a), that is, it’s unprofitable. No sin is more destructive than sexual sin. While it promises satisfaction, it ends up “bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword” (Prov. 5:4). Second, Paul writes that he would not be “brought under the power of any” sin (v. 12b), and sexual sin is uncontrollable. Many a man has started with pornography and ended up not being able to have normal relations with his wife or even being transformed into a child molester. Third, Paul tells us that sexual sin is unconscionable, that it perverts beyond conscience. In verse 18 he warns that sexual sin is sin against our own body, a perversion of God’s intention for our body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit for the Believer (v. 19-20).

Of all temptation, there is nothing more powerful than sexual lust. Entire industries, in fact, are built upon that drive, prostitution as well as pornography. One of the foundations of advertising and marketing, regardless of the product in question, is that, “Sex sells.” Why? Because it’s such a powerful force. God has, therefore, given us a way to deal with sexual temptation; it’s called sexual activity within marriage. This activity is vital. It’s also vital that it be quantitative for the husband and qualitative for the wife. It is for that reason that God says that each belongs to the other so as to meet those physical and emotional needs.

Third, marriage provides the means of raising godly children. While procreation is not marriage, it is part of marriage, and it is godly marriage that will provide godly children. The key passage here are the two verses that following Malachi’s statement about marriage being a covenant: “And did not he make [them] one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away [i.e. divorce]” (Mal. 2:15-16). The Jews were plagued by divorce, so Malachi reemphasizes the oneness of God’s design. And an essential reason for marriage is raising and training the next generation of godly people. 

Fourth and finally, marriage provides the foundational element of human society. Marriage is not something man devised as a clever way to sort out the responsibilities of men, women, and children. God designed it to be the foundational element of all human society. Marriage is under tremendous attack and many are trying to do away with it, but they have no right to do so because they didn’t institute it! In fact, an attack on marriage and the family is actually an attack on all of society because each marriage is like an individual brick in a house; the structure depends upon every single brick. Even though the house will stand with a few missing bricks, the structure is still defaced and weakened and is destined to collapse sooner or later. Let us strive, through Sprit-filling and Word-filling, never to allow our marriages, and subsequently our homes, to be weakened. Let us strive to make them what God wants them to be.

Oh, these motives are, indeed, what make marriage the most beautiful and the most intimate relationship on earth.

The Motives for Marriage (2)

Last time we began a look at the first motive for marriage: companionship.

Did you know that married people live longer? According to insurance statistics, the death rate for married men aged 25 to 34 is 1.5 per thousand; for single men it is twice as high—more than 3.5 per thousand. The difference is even greater as men grow older: in the 35 to 44 group, the death rate for married men is 3.1 per thousand; for unmarried it is 8.3. Among all women, the mortality rate for single females is almost twice that of women who are or have been married. All this could mean that, as one writer puts it, “The moral is: better wed than dead.” That certainly stands to reasons, for a whole person will live longer than only half a person.

Further, have you ever pondered that every good marriage is a miracle of God? To think that two people who are so diverse, so different in their way of thinking, so different in how they approach a problem, so different in their emotional, physiological, and emotion structure, can “make it work,” is nothing short of a miracle. Only God’s creation of marriage can accomplish such a feat.

At this point, it is appropriate to deal with an essential aspect of such companionship, namely, communication, without which a marriage is destined to disintegrate. In Ephesians 1-3 Paul presents doctrine, the grand themes of our salvation and wealth in Christ. Beginning in chapter 4, he then deals with our walk in Christ. One aspect of that walk is unity (4:1-16) and another is purity (v. 17-32). Those two sections actually lay an essential foundation for marriage. Obviously we want both unity and purity in a marriage. Further, and most appropriate, is that feature of the “new man” spoken of in verse 25: “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.” While truth, openness, and honesty are essential in any relationship, nowhere are these more crucial than in a marriage. Again, without them, the marriage is doomed.

Tom and Jill sat across the desk from a Christian counselor. In the bitterest terms she could use, Jill said, “I am absolutely certain that this husband of mine is cheating on me; he’s been stealing from his overtime pay. I know he’s been stealing money. And I want to know what he’s been doing with it.” She’d been holding this in for several months, ever since she first noticed the missing money. The result was her increasing anger and bitterness. Turning to the husband, the counselor asked, “Tom, where did the money go? Did you really take it?” He slowly reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, dug into a hidden compartment, and pulled out a wad of money. “It’s all here,” he said, as he threw it on the desk. “I’ve been saving for our anniversary for a special treat for Jill.” What a sad scene! Because of a lack of simple communication, that wife threatened to break up that marriage.

It’s also significant that in very next verse Paul declares, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” Here is a Biblical truth that has several times in my own marriage kept me up to 3:00 AM working out a conflict. Paul knew that even righteous anger (4:26) can degenerate, so he added this admonition. Kept too long, even righteous anger can turn into a personal resentment. Yes, conflicts will come, and we might get justifiably upset with our spouse, but it must be dealt with before “the sun [goes] down;” that is, we must not take it to bed; we deal with it and get it resolved. If we don’t we are “[giving] place to the devil” (v. 27), giving him a foothold in the relationship and inviting him in to destroy it, and nothing would please him more. While a successful marriage is a testimony to the world, so is an unsuccessful one.

This “communicative companionship” is further seen as we read through the remainder of Ephesians 4: “Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (vs. 28-32). If all those are to be true of our relationship with every believer, how much more appropriate they are in our marriages?

The Motives for Marriage (1)

The story is told of a newly hired cub reporter whose editor gave him the basic, classic instructions that he should always find out the answers to the five important questions for every news story: who, what, when, where, and why. He then added, however, “Almost always. The only newsworthy story for which you never ask ‘Why’ is a wedding.” While that seems to be good advice nowadays, God has given at least four very specific motives, or reasons, for marriage.

First, marriage provides companionship. All that we have seen brings new meaning to the words “an help meet for him” in Genesis 2:18, which many Christians do not really understand. The literal idea is “a helper suitable for him.” Originally, “help meet” was two words; today we consider it one, for the most part. “Help” meant what our word “helper” means, while “meet” literally meant “appropriate to, corresponding to, or approximating at every point.” So then, God made man a helper, a helper who approximates him, a helper who is appropriate and suitable for his needs.

I sure identified with a sign in a wallpaper and paint store that read, “Husbands choosing colors must have note from wives.” How true that is for me! If it’s not blue, then I don’t really care. If it weren’t for my wife’s knowledge, my clothes would never be coordinated. And that’s just one area in which she is a helper who is appropriate and suitable for my needs. 

One Christian writer, says it well: “As a result of the creation order, men and women are oriented to one another differently. They need one another, but they need one another differently. The man needs the help; the woman needs to help. Marriage was created by God to provide companionship in the labor of dominion.” That says it perfectly! When we understand that principle, when we are related to our spouse as God has designed us to, we will see our marriages transformed. 

Now couple that principle with the term “one flesh,” a term we find in Genesis and further along in Ephesians 5. This term does not refer only to sexual union, though that is involved. One way to think of this is in light of our word “everybody.” When we say, for example, “Everybody went to the church picnic,” we do not refer to literal “bodies,” but rather to everyone, that is, every person. That is what the Hebrew means. For example, when God says He will “destroy all flesh,” He doesn’t mean skin, bones, and so forth. He means that He will destroy every person. So, “one flesh” means one person, a whole person, a complete person. Two become one.

We should see in all this the fact that before marriage each of us was only half a person. As mentioned earlier, there will be those few who God empowers to remain single, but the general rule is marriage, and each individual is actually incomplete before that time. While that idea is violently apposed today—“I don’t need anyone else,” it is argued—such arguments are foolish because that one is incomplete without the other. That principle is at the heart of marriage—each is incomplete without the other; the two become one. The man brings strength and leadership into the “one person,” and the woman brings softness, nurturing, and other such qualities into the “one person.” Each half of the person complements the other half. 

How foolish we are when we do not allow the qualities of our life mate to balance us out. Have you ever wondered why God never puts two similar people to together? Because if He did, one of the individuals would be unnecessary. Have you ever looked at your marriage and noticed that one of you likes to get up early while the other likes to sleep late, that one of you likes to stay up late while the other likes to go to bed early, that one of you has a good sense of direction while the other can’t find north with a compass, that one of you is a good bookkeeper while the other one isn’t, that one of you is a neat freak and the other a slob? Why are these and many other contrasts true? Because when you put the two halves together, you get a whole person.

What, then, is the end result? Not only does it make a complete, whole person, which is good for that person, but ultimately it brings glory to God. Mark it down: every Godly, successful marriage is a praise to God; it is a testimony, a proclamation to the world that God’s institution works. We’ll continue this first motive for marriage next time.

The Meaning of Marriage (2)

Last time we left off with the controversial subject of a woman taking a man’s name in marriage and discovered that this is actually a biblical principle.

This is further seen, in fact, in what name Adam gave Eve. What a wonderful truth we see here! As Adam was naming all the animals, he did not name them without meaning. Names in the ancient world were much more significant than in western culture. Adam actually gave her two names. The first was “woman” (Gen. 2:23), which is the Hebrew Ishshah, which Adam himself defines as “taken out of Man.” The second name was “Eve,” which should bless the heart of every woman. It is the Hebrew Chavvah, which Adam again defines, “the mother of all living.” 

What a truth! Every wife is both an Ishshah who is dependent on a man for her living, and a Chavvah on whom every man is dependent for his life. The warm-hearted Walt Disney movie, The Lion King, contained a song called, “The Circle of Life,” but what we see here is truly the circle of life: while the woman was taken from the man and is dependant upon him, every man is likewise dependent upon a woman for his life. And God did (and continues to do) all this through one institution—marriage.

Are there not exceptions to all this? Does not God’s Word talk about people remaining single? Yes, this is mentioned in Matthew 19:11-12 and I Corinthians 7:7. We will not take the space to deal with it here, but biblically “celibacy” is rare. God’s norm, God’s rule that has few exceptions, is marriage.

So then, the essence of marriage is companionship. We can put the matter this way: Marriage is a formal covenant (agreement or promise) between a man and a woman to become each other’s loving companion for life.

Malachi 2:14 is the key. The prophet addresses Jewish men with the words, “She [is] thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.” In light of the rampant divorce in the nation, the context speaks of the seriousness and devastation of divorce, that is, the breaking of the covenant (the promise, the commitment) between husband and wife. What is a companion? A companion is one with whom we are united in goals, values, affections, and, in the case of marriage, even body. So, when the “covenant of companionship” is made, each partner promises to love the other with an agape love (a self-emptying self-sacrifice), to take away each other’s loneliness, to meet each other’s sexual needs, to honour and be faithful to the other, to bear children as God dictates, and many other things as well. The world’s idea of a “soul mate” is nothing but a shallow mud puddle in comparison with the oceanic depth of God’s principle of the covenant of companionship.

How important it is also that marriage vows contain these principles! The ones we use today might be traditional, but they are not entirely biblical. Where needed, we should not hesitate to rewrite these vows. This is just one more area that should be covered in in-depth premarital counseling, something that has virtually disappeared in Christianity today, and which has brought devastating consequences. 

It is tragic beyond words at how little counseling is done before pastors marry couples. I personally know one pastor who has done hundreds of weddings without a word of counsel. Frankly, I have done few weddings in 33 years of ministry for that very reason. I have often had phone calls that went like this. “Hello, Pastor, my fiancé and I were wondering if you would marry us?” “Maybe,” I answer. “What do you mean maybe?” comes the puzzled reply. “Well first, we must all sit down to at least six weeks of pre-marital counseling where we will open Scripture and deal biblically with what marriage is and the requirements God gives for the husband and wife.” If the caller is still on the line by now, I conclude, “After that time is complete, I’ll then tell you whether or not I’ll perform the ceremony.” Usually, the response is, “Well . . . uh . . . thank you for your time. Goodbye.” I simply cannot be part of beginning a marriage that is not founded upon the absolutes of God’s Word.

Marriage, then, is the very core of human existence and societal success. It is not to be entered lightly; we don’t just “try marriage and see if it works out.” It is a covenant, a promise, a commitment of life. As we continue, we will see more of these absolutes.

The Meaning of Marriage (1)

In our last two installments, we examined the world’s view of marriage. We turn now to God’s view and will examine three emphases in the next several installments: the meaning, motives, and model of marriage.

Before we can understand precisely what marriage is, we must consider what it is not.

First, sexual relations do not constitute marriage. It is a common misconception that sexual union constitutes marriage. But if that is true, then fornication is actually an “informal marriage” and adultery is actually “bigamy” (or polygamy). But the Word of God says no such thing. It speaks of these things as being outside of marriage. For example, Joseph is clearly called Mary’s husband even though it is explicitly stated that they had not yet joined in sexual union (Matt. 1:25). We would also add, neither is a marriage “consummated” by sexual union on the honeymoon as is often maintained. If that were true, then the pastor was very misleading when he said, “I now pronounce you husband and wife.” Rather, as we’ll see in a moment, a marriage is consummated when the couple exchanges vows before God and other witness and enter a covenant relationship.

Second, marriage was not instituted primarily for procreation. Some folks believe that the main purpose of marriage is to propagate the human race in a respectable fashion. That’s what the Greeks thought: “You have to have wife so you can have children who won’t be called bastards.” But we can put the matter this way: marriage is more than mating. Though procreation is one of the duties of marriage (assuming both persons are physically capable of having children), such procreation could have been accomplished without marriage.

What then is marriage? Simply stated, God’s Word speaks of marriage as “The Covenant of Companionship.” Let us fully explain this wonderful principle.

Marriage is indeed the most natural and the most likely step a person will take in his (or her) life. We say this for two reasons, both of which are based upon Genesis 2:18: “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

We will return to the term “help meet” a little later, but the first reason that marriage is the most natural and the most likely step a person will take is that it is not good for a man to be alone. God says that the “single life” is not good. Adam was lonely in the Garden, so God gave him a companion. Yes, there are exceptions, as we will see, but the general principle is that single is not satisfactory.

The second reason is because the woman was created for the man. “What did you just say?” many would shout today. Oh, how upset people get at that statement! A cross reference here is I Corinthians 11:8-9, which we will study in our next chapter: “For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” This does not imply inferiority or servitude on the part of the woman; it does not imply that she is to be at her husband’s beckoning call or that she must satisfy his every whim. What this means is that the women’s purpose in being created was to be the man’s companion, one with whom he can share everything, one who can help him. While this truth is challenged often, all one has to do is examine good marriages to find that this principle works in practice.

This is also seen in the fact that a woman takes the man’s name when she marries him. Does the Bible actually teach that? Indeed It does. Genesis 5:1-2 declares: “This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him; Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created (emphasis added).” Notice that God called them, not just him, Adam. From the very beginning, the woman was a “covenanted companion” with her husband, to the point of even taking his name. While some women today resent this practice and keep their “maiden” name or hyphenate their maiden name with their husband’s name, they apparently miss the fact that their maiden name is also a man’s name—their father’s name. They are not only being silly but also are rebellious against God’s design. We’ll continue these thoughts next time.

The World’s View of Marriage (2)

Last time we began our examination of marriage and the family in Ephesians 5:22-6:4 by asking, “What is marriage?” We began with the world’s view by first looking at the Jewish attitude. 

Second, the Greek attitude concerning marriage. The attitude of the Greeks was even worse than that of the Jews. There was no divorce among the Greeks, but then again there was no reason to have it. The wife was only for giving legitimate children, and most sex was outside of marriage. Female and male prostitution was unbelievably rampant. Men got most of their sexual gratification from mistresses and prostitutes. Women, often with encouragement from their husbands, found gratification with their slaves, male and female. The Greek word porneia, from which is derived our English word “pornography,” clearly explains the Greek attitude. The feminine word pornē literally means “harlot for hire,” and the masculine pornos literally means “male prostitute.” Porneia came to refer to any sexual perversion: 1. Fornication, sex before marriage; 2. Adultery, extra-marital sexual relations; 3. Homosexuality and lesbianism, sex among members of the same gender; 4. Paedophilia, the sexual abuse of children. All of that, and more, was the everyday reality in Greece.

Third, the Roman attitude concerning marriage. While it’s hard to imagine a scene worse than the above, it seems as if the Romans combined the worst from both the Jews and the Greeks. Divorce was common practice in the latter years of the Roman Empire and was easily accomplished. Jerome, the 4^th and 5^th Century Bible scholar, recorded that one woman married her twenty-third husband and that she was his twenty-first wife! 

Feminism (women’s liberation) also developed in the Empire. Women didn’t want children because it ruined their bodies. Women wanted equality with men, so they demanded “marriage contracts,” “open marriages,” and often even initiated divorce. The women also did masculine things such as wresting, sword throwing, and running bare-breasted while hunting. 

Many scholars speak of the “greatness of Rome,” while in truth its decadence was beyond belief. On the other hand, does all this really sound all that foreign to our ears?

Fourth, the modern attitude concerning marriage. Are not today’s views of marriage much like the ones we just traced historically? We see the same sexual promiscuity and perversion today that existed in the Greek world. Prostitution is rampant and is even legal in many places. Homosexuality and lesbianism are accepted as “alternate life-styles” even in some denominations of “Christianity.” Pre-marital and extra-marital sex are accepted norms. And paedophilia is a horrible and tragically common occurrence. Marriage and family are no longer sacred and central. People live together outside of marriage, some of whom are even professing Christians. Children are not wanted because it cuts down on people’s freedom, so babies are murdered in the womb and people are voluntarily sterilized. And, of course, the divorce rate is rampant in our society. 

So we say again, there truly is nothing on earth that has come under more direct assault, past and present, than has the institution of marriage. Let us now turn to the positive, God’s view of marriage, which we will examine next time.

The World’s View of Marriage (1)

In previous studies we have examined the foundation of the home by studying the meaning, manifestations, and means of being filled with the Holy Spirit. How vital it is that we, with Paul, start with that! If that is not accomplished first, the rest of Paul’s guidelines for the home will be impossible to implement. Spirit-filling, or as we also paralleled in Colossians, Word-filling, must be the very foundation of the Christian home (as well as everything else in Christian living). As noted before, when the Word of God permeates us, the Spirit of God controls us. This prepares us to examine the specifics Paul gives concerning the Christian home. In the verses that follow (5:22-6:4) Paul writes of the responsibilities of each family member. 

Just minutes before I stepped into the pulpit to deliver the first message on marriage, it occurred to me why I love to preach on marriage and the family. I quickly added three brief thoughts to my notes before stepping into the pulpit. One reason is that this is part of God’s Word, and that is my passion. My desire, based on Paul’s admonition to the Ephesians pastors in Acts 20:27, is to preach “all the [pas, “whole”] counsel of God.” Second, I have a wonderful wife and family that God has given, so I love to preach on a subject that is so dear to my heart. Third, is how important and foundational the marriage and home are not only to the Church but also to society itself. As we’ll see, there has been throughout history violent assault on marriage and family. I love to preach on this because if we don’t have godly homes, we won’t have a Church or even a country left in which to live.

Every family consists first of a husband and a wife, that is, a man and a woman. Is that a novel thought? Hardly. The whole notion of homosexual marriage is so ridiculous, so unimaginable that it barely deserves refutation. While it is more and more accepted in our day as various states legalize it (and some churches sanction it!), there can be no argument whatsoever that God does not even condone it, much less make it a standard for the family. 

We, therefore, ask the question, “What exactly is marriage?” While the answer might seem obvious, it actually grows more obscure by the day. It is vital that we know the answer to this before we can ever understand the home in general or the responsibilities God has given to each family member. Let us look, therefore, at the contrast between the world’s view of marriage and God’s view.

What is the world’s view of marriage? To say the least, many marriages are not happy, fulfilling, or rich. As the story goes, a certain little seven-year-old girl who had just seen the movie Cinderella was testing her neighbor lady’s knowledge of the story. The neighbor, anxious to impress the little girl, said, “I know what happens at the end.” “What?” asked the girl. “Cinderella and the prince live happily ever after.” To which the cynical seven-year-old answered, “Oh no, they didn’t. They got married!”

While that brings a smile to our faces, it is tragically true in many marriages. Why? Because they are not based upon the truth of Scripture. There truly is nothing on earth that has come under more direct assault, both today and historically, than has the institution of marriage. This fact is apparent in four ways.

First, the Jewish attitude concerning marriage. In Jewish culture a wife was quite literally considered to be, like cattle or household possessions, the property of her husband and was certainly not an equal. In his morning prayer, a Jewish man would often give thanks that God had not made him “a Gentile, a slave, or a woman.” Women never ate with the men in the home; the husband and sons would eat first and the wife and daughters would wait for what was left. Husband and wife never walked arm in arm, rather the wife walked behind the husband. Things such as pitching and striking tents, packing and unpacking household goods, and tending flocks were the duties of the women.

The provision God gave for divorce in Deuteronomy 24 had been so distorted by liberal rabbis that a man could divorce his wife for any offense he chose: adultery, spoiling his dinner by putting too much salt in his food, walking in public with her head uncovered, talking with men in the streets, speaking disrespectfully of her in-laws in her husband’s hearing, or if she was just quarrelsome.

There were, of course, exceptions to all that. We see deep affection between Jacob and Rachel (Gen. 29-30), and Abraham treated Sarah like a queen. But such examples were the exceptions, not the rule.

At this point some of us might be tempted to say, “What a terrible thing to be taught in the Bible!” But that is not taught in the Bible. The Bible only records these attitudes; It does not condone them. Such attitudes are certainly not God’s guidelines for marriage. Man perverted what God created and intended. We’ll continue next time.

The Means of Spirit-Filling (4)

In the last three posts, we have seen three commands concerning the believer’s relationship to the Holy Spirit that without question affect the control the Holy Spirit will have on the believer: we must not grieve the Holy Spirit, we must not quench the Holy Spirit, and we must yield to the Holy Spirit. This leads us to final principle.

Fourth, we must walk by the Holy Spirit. This principle is found in Galatians 5:16; “Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.” Here is great promise. If we are walking in the Spirit, it is impossible for us to fulfill the lust of the flesh. The reverse, however, is also true; if we are fulfilling our lusts, we are not walking in the Spirit.

The word “walk” (peripateo) means “to walk about,” figuratively, “conduct of life,” that is, how we conduct ourselves as we walk through life. Specifically, our conduct is dictated and regulated by the Holy Spirit. We do not walk according to the world system’s standards, or according the Satan’s devices, or according to our flesh, or according to some legalistic method; rather we walk by the Spirit. Further, it’s in the present tense, showing a continuous, regular, habitual lifestyle of walking in Spirit control. It’s also in the imperative mood, showing that this walk is not an option but a command.

There is a paradox here that is easy to miss. Think of it: while the Holy Spirit is the source of the all holy living, it is the Christian who is doing the walking. While this seems obvious, various teachers have missed it. The failure to understand this paradox has lead to the idea of, “Just let go and let God,” which teaches that Christian living is simply a passive submission to God, who will live life for us. This teaching is called “Quietism,” which the old Quakers held. Other advocates of such teaching to one extent or another were the Keswicks, Charles Finney, and Hannah Whitall Smith in her book The Christian’s Secret of a Happy Life. To these sincere, though misguided, folks, passive surrender to God means an almost total absence of the Christian’s actions.

The obvious problem with such teaching is that it ignores the many commands to the great effort on our part that godly living demands. As I Corinthians 9:24-27 outlines: “Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain. And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible. I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air: But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.” The Christian doesn’t sit on the sidelines eating popcorn watching the Holy Spirit do all the work. The Christian life is a life of struggle, commitment, and discipline. We are in a war. That is why Paul writes later in Ephesians 6 that the Christian is to put on spiritual armor to prepare for battle.

So Spirit-filling is not something magical or mystical; it’s not the final goal or outcome of the Christian life, or something “exclusive,” meant only for “special people” who have had a “special experience.” It is an all-important and foundational principle of Christian living. We will never grow unless we are Spirit-filled. In fact, if Spirit-filling does not come early in our Christian experience, much of our lives will be totally wasted! As we’ve seen, “Spirit-filling” means “Spirit-control.” Therefore, the only way the Spirit can have control is if we give it to Him. This is implicitly implied in our text; we do not willfully give ourselves to wine, rather we willfully give ourselves to the Spirit. Dear Christian, do you see how foundational Spirit-filling is? 

Again, this does not mean we are filled once-for-all. We recall that Spirit-filling is a continuing experience, a repeating reality. Tragically, there are many Christians who have never really given themselves to the Lord, have never been filled with the Holy Spirit. Even more tragic is that some never will. It is for that reason that much of their lives will be wasted. It is for that reason that they know no warmth, light, or power. And it is for that reason that their homes are in shambles.

Oh, my Dear Christian Friend, are you filled with the Holy Spirit? If not, you will never have a “Christian home.” You will have a house with Christians living in it, but you will not have a Christian home. Oh, what a difference there is between a house and a home! Let each of us as family members be filled with the Spirit. It is that thought that leads us into our study of the Christian Home.

The Means of Spirit-Filling (3)

Continuing our study of Ephesians 5:18—Be filled with the Spirit— we see in Scripture four commands concerning the believer’s relationship to the Holy Spirit that without question affect the control the Holy Spirit will have on the believer. The first is we must not grieve the Holy Spirit, and the second is we must not quench the Holy Spirit.

Third, we must yield to the Holy Spirit. Yielding to Holy Spirit control is at the very heart of Spirit-filling. This is what makes it possible. As Paul wrote the Romans, “Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God” (Rom. 6:13). There is no middle ground here. The believer either yields to the Spirit or yields to sin. Paul adds a few chapters later, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (12:1-2). 

In both Romans 6:13 and 12:1, we find the Greek word paristemi (“yield” in 6:13 and “present” in 12:1). This is a compound word comprised of histemi, “to place or stand,” and para, “near.” It, therefore, means “to cause to stand near or before.” It was used widely in secular Greek, such as, “to place at someone’s disposal,” “to bring [as a sacrifice],” and “bring before (the emperor or the court).” Paul’s point, then, is clear: the Christian is commanded to place himself before the Lord as a living sacrifice for God’s glory and use, to yield to the total control of God’s will, to conform not to the world’s mold but to God’s mold as revealed in His Word. 

Theologian Louis Sperry Chafer puts it well in his book, He That Is Spiritual: “A yieldedness to the will of God is not demonstrated by some one particular issue: it is rather a matter of having taken the will of God as the rule of one’s life. To be in the will of God is simply to be willing to do His will without reference to any particular thing He may choose. It is electing His will to be final, even before we know what He may wish us to do. It is, therefore, not a question of being willing to do some one thing: it is a question of being willing to do anything, when, where and how, it may seem best in His heart of love. It is taking the normal and natural position of childlike trust which has already consented to the wish of the Father even before anything of the outworking of His wish is revealed. This distinction cannot be overemphasized. . . . There must be a covenant relationship of trust in which His will is assented to once for all and without reservation.”

The way to know God’s will is to know His Word. To be yielded, then, is to covenant with God to obey His Word before we even know what It says. When we do that, we will never get “hung up” on any issue or get upset when a preacher tells us how we should live based upon Scripture. Once we settle the issue of submission to God’s Word no matter what, we will accept whatever It says. The real problem in all of us is biblical authority. We must settle that issue before we can even address any other. 

In his equally good book, The Holy Spirit, theologian John Walvoord writes: “The yielded Christian has an unusual relationship to the Word of God. As its revelation becomes known and its application becomes evident, the issue of being yielded to the truth as made known by the Holy Spirit becomes very real.”

How true! The yielded Christian does, indeed, have “an unusual relationship to the Word of God.” It’s so unusual, in fact, that he or she will seem very odd in today’s world, even among some Christians. To be Spirit-filled is to be Word-filled, no matter what It says and no matter what other people might think.

The Means of Spirit-Filling (2)

Continuing our study of Ephesians 5:18—Be filled with the Spirit— we see in Scripture four commands concerning the believer’s relationship to the Holy Spirit that without question affect the control the Holy Spirit will have on the believer. The first is we must not grieve the Holy Spirit.

Second, we must not quench the Holy Spirit. Closely linked to but still distinct from “grieving” the Holy Spirit is “quenching” the Holy Spirit. We read of this in I Thessalonians 5:19: “Quench not the Spirit.” The Greek behind “quench” (sbennumi) in the literal sense means “to extinguish by drowning with water, as opposed to smothering.” Mark 9:44, for example, speaks of hell as a place “where their worm dieth not, and the fire is not quenched.” 

Figuratively, then, sbennumi means “to dampen, hinder, repress, as in preventing the Holy Spirit from exerting His full influence.” How do we “drown” the Holy Spirit’s working? By simply saying “No” to Him, by resisting His guidance, by opposing His will. 

What are the practical ramifications of quenching the Holy Spirit? Think a moment of the qualities of fire and how the metaphor of quenching applies. The first quality of fire we usually think of is that it produces heat, so when we quench the Spirit, there is no longer any warmth in us. We become cold, indifferent, even apathetic. Paul counseled Timothy to “stir up the gift of God, which is in thee” (II Tim. 1:6). The full idea in the Greek for “stir up” (anazōpureo) is “to kindle up the flame” or “to rekindle the fire, to stir up smoldering embers into a living flame.” Just as we occasionally have to stir a fire in a fireplace, fan it a little, and add some fuel, every Believer needs the same spiritually speaking. The fuel is the Word of God and the Holy Spirit is the fan and the stirring that rekindles the warmth and passion in the believer. So the first implication of quenching the Holy Spirit is that we will “cool off,” the warmth of God having faded from us.

A second quality of fire, of course, is that it produces light, so when we quench the Spirit, we “lose the light.” As construction workers sometimes must stop building or filmmakers must stop shooting because they “lose the light,” we lose the light of knowledge and discernment. If there is one definitive characteristic of Christianity in our day, it is that of an almost total lack of discernment. The majority of the Church has “lost the light” of God’s Word; it simply is not Spirit-controlled.

This reminds us of the children of Israel as they wandered in the wilderness: “And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of a cloud, to lead them the way; and by night in a pillar of fire, to give them light; to go by day and night.” Without that light to guide them, they would have wandered aimlessly. We, therefore, must not quench the Spirit lest we lose the light that will illumine our path. As the Psalmist declares, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path” (Ps. 119:105).

A third quality of fire is power. The power of fire is truly astounding. The infamous Chicago fire of 1871, for example, destroyed about four square miles of the city, which was almost one-third of its total area. The Holy Spirit’s power is infinitely above any power that we can conceive, whether natural or supernatural. Paul wanted the Corinthians, for example, to understand that his “speech and [his] preaching was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power” (I Cor. 2:4). Unlike today when talented orators philosophize, psychologize, and make people feel warm and fuzzy, Paul did none of that; he simply preached the Truth. 

Paul likewise told young Timothy that God had given him, and by extension all God’s people, “not . . . the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” (II Tim. 1:7). In the last letter Paul wrote, his emphasis was not on the type of “ministry” we see today, but on the power of the preaching of the Word, as he goes on to write in 4:1-4. We forfeit all that if we quench the Holy Spirit by rebellion or resistance. This principle is linked directly to a third principle.

The Means of Spirit-Filling (1)

As we observed back in 3:16, many people speak of being “spiritual” using such statements as, “I don’t consider myself to be religious, but I feel I am spiritual.” As we also observed, however, to be spiritual means that we are characterized not by our natural instincts but by the Holy Spirit. Another term for spirituality is Spirit-filling. In other words, to be truly spiritual, one must be Spirit-filled. As theologian Louis Sperry Chafer put it in his classic book on the subject, He That Is Spiritual, “A spiritual Christian is a Spirit-filled Christian in whom the unhindered Spirit is manifesting Christ by producing a true Christian character.”

Having studied the meaning and the many manifestations of Spirit-filling, we now turn to a third and final principle, the means of Spirit-filling. How, then, are we to be filled with the Spirit? We approach this subject with great caution because we want to avoid the idea that there are certain “formulas” in the Christian life. We are told that there’s a certain formula to follow in order to know God’s will, that there’s another formula for prosperity, that there’s a another formula for revival, that there’s still another formula for finding one’s spiritual gift, and that there’s even a formula for being Spirit-filled. 

Well there are no such “magical” formulas. Since God does command us to be Spirit-filled, however, then there must be a means to bring about that end. Again, some tell us that this is accomplished by “praying through,” which actually means different things to different people. Not only is that idea vague and scripturally indefensible, Scripture nowhere speaks of prayer being involved at all in Spirit-filling. Prayer is, of course, essential in Christian living, but it’s not mentioned in the context of Spirit-filling.

That being said, we do see in Scripture four commands concerning the believer’s relationship to the Holy Spirit that without question affect the control the Holy Spirit will have on the believer.

First, we must not grieve the Holy Spirit. As we studied back in 4:30, we must not “grieve” (lupeo, “to sadden or bring pain to”) the Holy Spirit. While all sin grieves Him, the sins listed in verse 31 are especially painful to the Holy Spirit because they are particularly inconsistent in the Holy Spirit indwelt life: bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, and malice. God warns us that continuing to grieve the Holy Spirit invites God chastening: “But let a man examine himself, . . . For if we would judge ourselves, we should not be judged. But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world” (I Cor. 11:28, 31-32).

So when we become aware of our grieving the Spirit, the obvious cure is to cease doing so and claim the promise of I John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This puts us back on the path to Spirit-filling. We’ll continue next time.