Last time we left off with the controversial subject of a woman taking a man’s name in marriage and discovered that this is actually a biblical principle.
This is further seen, in fact, in what name Adam gave Eve. What a wonderful truth we see here! As Adam was naming all the animals, he did not name them without meaning. Names in the ancient world were much more significant than in western culture. Adam actually gave her two names. The first was “woman” (Gen. 2:23), which is the Hebrew Ishshah, which Adam himself defines as “taken out of Man.” The second name was “Eve,” which should bless the heart of every woman. It is the Hebrew Chavvah, which Adam again defines, “the mother of all living.”
What a truth! Every wife is both an Ishshah who is dependent on a man for her living, and a Chavvah on whom every man is dependent for his life. The warm-hearted Walt Disney movie, The Lion King, contained a song called, “The Circle of Life,” but what we see here is truly the circle of life: while the woman was taken from the man and is dependant upon him, every man is likewise dependent upon a woman for his life. And God did (and continues to do) all this through one institution—marriage.
Are there not exceptions to all this? Does not God’s Word talk about people remaining single? Yes, this is mentioned in Matthew 19:11-12 and I Corinthians 7:7. We will not take the space to deal with it here, but biblically “celibacy” is rare. God’s norm, God’s rule that has few exceptions, is marriage.
So then, the essence of marriage is companionship. We can put the matter this way: Marriage is a formal covenant (agreement or promise) between a man and a woman to become each other’s loving companion for life.
Malachi 2:14 is the key. The prophet addresses Jewish men with the words, “She [is] thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.” In light of the rampant divorce in the nation, the context speaks of the seriousness and devastation of divorce, that is, the breaking of the covenant (the promise, the commitment) between husband and wife. What is a companion? A companion is one with whom we are united in goals, values, affections, and, in the case of marriage, even body. So, when the “covenant of companionship” is made, each partner promises to love the other with an agape love (a self-emptying self-sacrifice), to take away each other’s loneliness, to meet each other’s sexual needs, to honour and be faithful to the other, to bear children as God dictates, and many other things as well. The world’s idea of a “soul mate” is nothing but a shallow mud puddle in comparison with the oceanic depth of God’s principle of the covenant of companionship.
How important it is also that marriage vows contain these principles! The ones we use today might be traditional, but they are not entirely biblical. Where needed, we should not hesitate to rewrite these vows. This is just one more area that should be covered in in-depth premarital counseling, something that has virtually disappeared in Christianity today, and which has brought devastating consequences.
It is tragic beyond words at how little counseling is done before pastors marry couples. I personally know one pastor who has done hundreds of weddings without a word of counsel. Frankly, I have done few weddings in 33 years of ministry for that very reason. I have often had phone calls that went like this. “Hello, Pastor, my fiancé and I were wondering if you would marry us?” “Maybe,” I answer. “What do you mean maybe?” comes the puzzled reply. “Well first, we must all sit down to at least six weeks of pre-marital counseling where we will open Scripture and deal biblically with what marriage is and the requirements God gives for the husband and wife.” If the caller is still on the line by now, I conclude, “After that time is complete, I’ll then tell you whether or not I’ll perform the ceremony.” Usually, the response is, “Well . . . uh . . . thank you for your time. Goodbye.” I simply cannot be part of beginning a marriage that is not founded upon the absolutes of God’s Word.
Marriage, then, is the very core of human existence and societal success. It is not to be entered lightly; we don’t just “try marriage and see if it works out.” It is a covenant, a promise, a commitment of life. As we continue, we will see more of these absolutes.
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