The Model for Marriage (2)

Continuing our look at the greatest model of marriage, why is Solomon’s Song part of Scripture? Why put “a love story” in the Bible? After all, the Bible is a book about spiritual truth. Why put in something so earthly? 

One commentator well sums up the purpose of this wonderful book: “The purpose of the book is to extol human love and marriage. Though at first this seems strange, on reflection it is not surprising for God to have included in the biblical canon a book endorsing the beauty and purity of marital love. God created man and woman (Gen. 1:27; 2:20-23) and established and sanctioned marriage (Gen. 2:24). Since the world views sex so sordidly and perverts and exploits it so persistently and since so many marriages are crumbling because of lack of love, commitment, and devotion, it is advantageous to have a book in the Bible that gives God’s endorsement of marital love as wholesome and pure.”

Amen. If marriage is the very foundation of society, of living, of having and training children, of all human relationships, doesn’t it make sense that God would devote an entire book of Holy Scripture to it? If Scripture is authoritative and solely sufficient in every possible issue, would not the subject of marital love be treated in a practical, straightforward, even graphic manner?

Let’s take a brief look at this love story and compare its model with our own marriages. In the opening words of the Song (1:2-4), it’s actually the physical side of love that is mentioned first, which seems to conflict with the common view that says, “The physical doesn’t matter at all in choosing a mate.” The maiden speaks of her desire for the Beloved’s physical affection and lists the physical features that attract her to him. The desire for physically intimacy is clear. Yes, while marriage must be based on much more than just physical attraction or it will indeed fail, such desire is not only allowed, but is considered good and healthy. 

In verses 5-8, the maiden speaks of herself as being “black.” The Hebrew here (shecharchoreth) refers to “skin that is swarthy, darkened, in context because of the sun’s rays.” She, therefore, feels that the Sun has marred her complexion because she worked so much outdoors, in contrast to the ladies in the palace. But here is, in fact, a key to her character—she’s not afraid to work. Nonetheless, in her insecurity, she needs the Beloved’s reassurance.

Another key to her character are the words “why should I be as one that turneth aside?” (v. 7). As Young’s Literal Translation phrases it, “For why am I as one veiled?” Unlike Tamar (Gen. 38:14-16), this girl values purity and rejects the veil (or any appearance) of the wandering prostitute. So important is propriety, in fact, that she insists on specifying a particular place and time for them to meet.

Solomon’s reassurance comes in verses 9-11. He calls her “my love” nine times, starting here in verse 9 and then in 1:16; 2:2,10, 13; 4:1,7; 5:2; 6:4. He compares her “to a company of horses in Pharaoh’s chariots.” While most girls today wouldn’t appreciate such a comparison, girls of that day would because no animal was considered more beautiful and graceful. Being poor, she doesn’t have jewelry, but he compliments her further that her “cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, [and her] neck with chains of gold.” In other words, “You don’t need jewelry. You are already adorned with natural jewels.” Husbands, when was the last time you complimented your wife? Billy Sunday is quoted as saying, “Try praising your wife, even if it frightens her at first.”

In verses 12-14 the maiden speaks of the smell of her perfume that will reach the King as he sits on his throne. Scent plays a powerful role in physical attraction. She also pictures in her mind the intimacy of their sleeping together.

In verse 15, we see the couple looking into each other’s eyes and talking, a key to intimacy. The King compliments her eyes, calling them “doves’ eyes,” as doves are known for their tranquility and purity. Verses 16-17 reveal that they are lying beside each other on the grass with the forest surrounding them. What a romantic setting! “The Bible actually talks about romance?” we might ask. Indeed, It does.

The Model for Marriage (1)

In previous installments we have examined the meaning and motives for marriage. In the next few, I would like to share a wonderful blessing with you, namely, the model for marriage. And there is no better model in all of Scripture than the book titled, “Solomon’s Song.”

The title “Song of Solomon” that appears in several English translations comes from verse 1, which states that the book was written by Solomon. The ancient Hebrew versions, however, call it “Song of Songs.” This title translates the superlative in the Hebrew, as does “Holy of Holies,” for example (Ex. 26:33-4). In other words, of the 1,005 songs that Solomon wrote, this is the song, Solomon’s best.

Solomon’s Song is a love story, and what a story it is! Once in a while a writer will pen a good love story, and once in a great while a movie is made that tells a good love story (instead of the typical lust story). But here is a real love story, one that is beautiful and absolutely pure. Once again, while it’s not perfect, simply because people are not perfect, it does serve as a perfect model. In light of the perversion of love and marriage in our day, Hebrews 13:4 captures the heart of this love story: “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” As this story underscores, the physical relationship between husband and wife is, as the Greek amiantos (“undefiled”) indicates, unpolluted, unstained, and unsoiled by sin.

There are two principle characters in the story: Solomon, who is referred to as “the Beloved” 32 times in the King James Version (inexplicably, the margin in the NIV refers to Solomon as “Lover” and the maiden as “the Beloved.” Why such a total reversal of what has been recognized through the ages?), and the Shulamite maiden. 

While her identity is uncertain, three possibilities stand out. One is that she was an unknown maiden from Shulam, but there is no other mention of Shulam in the Bible or the known extra-Biblical literature. Other interpreters say that it is simply another name for Shulem, located in lower Galilee, but that seems conjectural. The third possibility makes more sense. In the Hebrew, “Shulamite” is actually the feminine form (Shulammith) of Solomon (Shelomoh). As scholar Augustus Strong points out, because the definite article is present, the term is “a pet name.” In other words, having become Solomon’s wife, she took his name, which was a common practice then as it is now, and which was instituted in Genesis 5:2, as God called “their name Adam,” not just his name.

Solomon’s Song has been variously interpreted. Both the allegorical and typological views don’t approach it literally. In one way or another, they make the characters and events mean something that’s not stated in the text. The most common idea is that the whole story depicts God’s love either for Israel or the Church. The Church, however, cannot possibly be in view because it was a mystery in Old Testament times, hidden from the foundation of the world and not revealed until the New Testament Apostles and Prophets (Rom. 16:25-6; Eph. 3:9). Even more basic than that, however, nowhere in the book is God’s love the subject, rather the love of a man and woman.

We should also interject that such spiritualizing has caused hymn writers to refer to Christ as the Rose of Sharon and the Lily of the Valley (2:1), but that simply is not so; the Shulamite maiden used both terms not of Messiah but of herself, considering herself as common as those flowers. Solomon, however, disagreed in the next verse by saying that she was not just any lily but “the lily among thorns.” 

We submit, therefore, that by spiritualizing Solomon’s Song, we totally miss its literal, deep, and vitally important message. There is no justification whatsoever for viewing the book in any other way than to take it at face value, to look at it in a normal, literal fashion. When we do, we see in its three main sections Solomon’s days of courtship (1:2-3:5), his wedding and early days of his first marriage (3:6-5:1), and the growth and maturing of that marriage (5:2-8:4). While we might wonder how Solomon could have been the author of this song when he indulged in the forbidden pagan practice of polygamy (700 wives and 300 concubines, I Kings 11:3), the answer is undoubtedly that this was his first marriage, as implied in Ecclesiastes 9:9: “Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all the days of [your] life.” We’ll continue in the next several installments.

The Motives for Marriage (3)

The first biblical motive for marriage is companionship.

Second, marriage provides sexual protection. The key passage here is I Corinthians 7:2-3: “Nevertheless, to avoid fornication [i.e., any sexual perversion], let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” God’s design and beautiful balance is that to prevent sexual sin, we get married and have a physical relationship that is mutually beneficial to both husband and wife.

It is fitting that this instruction appears in Paul’s letter to the Corinthian believers. Among the Greeks most sex was outside of marriage, and the Corinthian believers were in the thick of it. While Paul deals with sins in the areas of attitude in 1:10-4:21— the major attitudes being pride and arrogance—in chapter 5 he turns to the sins of action, primarily in fact, with sexual sin. Such sin arose then for the same reasons it arises today, namely, humanistic education and amoral philosophy. Temple prostitution, for example, actually glorified promiscuous sex. Such relations were so common that the practice came to be called “Corinthianizing.” Many believers had formerly been involved in such immorality, and it was hard for them to break with the old ways and easy to fall back into them.

Later in the letter (6:12-20), Paul details three evils of sexual sin. First, he writes that it is not “expedient” (v. 12a), that is, it’s unprofitable. No sin is more destructive than sexual sin. While it promises satisfaction, it ends up “bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword” (Prov. 5:4). Second, Paul writes that he would not be “brought under the power of any” sin (v. 12b), and sexual sin is uncontrollable. Many a man has started with pornography and ended up not being able to have normal relations with his wife or even being transformed into a child molester. Third, Paul tells us that sexual sin is unconscionable, that it perverts beyond conscience. In verse 18 he warns that sexual sin is sin against our own body, a perversion of God’s intention for our body, which is the temple of the Holy Spirit for the Believer (v. 19-20).

Of all temptation, there is nothing more powerful than sexual lust. Entire industries, in fact, are built upon that drive, prostitution as well as pornography. One of the foundations of advertising and marketing, regardless of the product in question, is that, “Sex sells.” Why? Because it’s such a powerful force. God has, therefore, given us a way to deal with sexual temptation; it’s called sexual activity within marriage. This activity is vital. It’s also vital that it be quantitative for the husband and qualitative for the wife. It is for that reason that God says that each belongs to the other so as to meet those physical and emotional needs.

Third, marriage provides the means of raising godly children. While procreation is not marriage, it is part of marriage, and it is godly marriage that will provide godly children. The key passage here are the two verses that following Malachi’s statement about marriage being a covenant: “And did not he make [them] one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away [i.e. divorce]” (Mal. 2:15-16). The Jews were plagued by divorce, so Malachi reemphasizes the oneness of God’s design. And an essential reason for marriage is raising and training the next generation of godly people. 

Fourth and finally, marriage provides the foundational element of human society. Marriage is not something man devised as a clever way to sort out the responsibilities of men, women, and children. God designed it to be the foundational element of all human society. Marriage is under tremendous attack and many are trying to do away with it, but they have no right to do so because they didn’t institute it! In fact, an attack on marriage and the family is actually an attack on all of society because each marriage is like an individual brick in a house; the structure depends upon every single brick. Even though the house will stand with a few missing bricks, the structure is still defaced and weakened and is destined to collapse sooner or later. Let us strive, through Sprit-filling and Word-filling, never to allow our marriages, and subsequently our homes, to be weakened. Let us strive to make them what God wants them to be.

Oh, these motives are, indeed, what make marriage the most beautiful and the most intimate relationship on earth.

The Motives for Marriage (2)

Last time we began a look at the first motive for marriage: companionship.

Did you know that married people live longer? According to insurance statistics, the death rate for married men aged 25 to 34 is 1.5 per thousand; for single men it is twice as high—more than 3.5 per thousand. The difference is even greater as men grow older: in the 35 to 44 group, the death rate for married men is 3.1 per thousand; for unmarried it is 8.3. Among all women, the mortality rate for single females is almost twice that of women who are or have been married. All this could mean that, as one writer puts it, “The moral is: better wed than dead.” That certainly stands to reasons, for a whole person will live longer than only half a person.

Further, have you ever pondered that every good marriage is a miracle of God? To think that two people who are so diverse, so different in their way of thinking, so different in how they approach a problem, so different in their emotional, physiological, and emotion structure, can “make it work,” is nothing short of a miracle. Only God’s creation of marriage can accomplish such a feat.

At this point, it is appropriate to deal with an essential aspect of such companionship, namely, communication, without which a marriage is destined to disintegrate. In Ephesians 1-3 Paul presents doctrine, the grand themes of our salvation and wealth in Christ. Beginning in chapter 4, he then deals with our walk in Christ. One aspect of that walk is unity (4:1-16) and another is purity (v. 17-32). Those two sections actually lay an essential foundation for marriage. Obviously we want both unity and purity in a marriage. Further, and most appropriate, is that feature of the “new man” spoken of in verse 25: “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another.” While truth, openness, and honesty are essential in any relationship, nowhere are these more crucial than in a marriage. Again, without them, the marriage is doomed.

Tom and Jill sat across the desk from a Christian counselor. In the bitterest terms she could use, Jill said, “I am absolutely certain that this husband of mine is cheating on me; he’s been stealing from his overtime pay. I know he’s been stealing money. And I want to know what he’s been doing with it.” She’d been holding this in for several months, ever since she first noticed the missing money. The result was her increasing anger and bitterness. Turning to the husband, the counselor asked, “Tom, where did the money go? Did you really take it?” He slowly reached into his pocket, pulled out his wallet, dug into a hidden compartment, and pulled out a wad of money. “It’s all here,” he said, as he threw it on the desk. “I’ve been saving for our anniversary for a special treat for Jill.” What a sad scene! Because of a lack of simple communication, that wife threatened to break up that marriage.

It’s also significant that in very next verse Paul declares, “Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” Here is a Biblical truth that has several times in my own marriage kept me up to 3:00 AM working out a conflict. Paul knew that even righteous anger (4:26) can degenerate, so he added this admonition. Kept too long, even righteous anger can turn into a personal resentment. Yes, conflicts will come, and we might get justifiably upset with our spouse, but it must be dealt with before “the sun [goes] down;” that is, we must not take it to bed; we deal with it and get it resolved. If we don’t we are “[giving] place to the devil” (v. 27), giving him a foothold in the relationship and inviting him in to destroy it, and nothing would please him more. While a successful marriage is a testimony to the world, so is an unsuccessful one.

This “communicative companionship” is further seen as we read through the remainder of Ephesians 4: “Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (vs. 28-32). If all those are to be true of our relationship with every believer, how much more appropriate they are in our marriages?