Introduction to the Christian Home (2)

Last time we began our study of the most important passage in God’s Word concerning the Christian home. We began by considering two introductory thoughts. First, there is a “revolution” going on in America today.

Second, we need to consider that if we want a home that is Biblical and one that God will bless, we must turn to Scripture alone as our guide. Much of what is taught today concerning the home, and each member of the home, comes from the world. Frankly, many “Christian” books on the home are quite inadequate because they are either completely topical in their approach instead of expositional, or they are clouded by the world’s philosophies, or both. That statement is not meant to be over-critical, but it is unfortunate that most books are clouded with worldly philosophy. Instead of simply dealing with what God says about the roles of husbands, wives, and children, such books repackage Freudianism or other psychological philosophy. A book we would recommend is The Family by John MacArthur (Moody Press). Another book we would recommend for its insight into the real meaning and depth of the marriage relationship is Marriage, Divorce, And Remarriage by Jay Adams (Baker Books House, 1980).

Our goal here, then, is to be thoroughly biblical in our study.

It is vitally important that Christians become aware that the family is the first and the primary of the three institutions God has created on earth: the family, the church, and human government. This world, however, with its humanistic, man-centered philosophy is trying to destroy all three of those institutions. God has ordained and designed human government to be characterized by freedom and liberty, but liberalism, socialism, communism, despotism, and other philosophies strive to tear down Biblical ethics. The Church is being torn down by the de-emphasizing of the Word of God and by substituting apostasy, religious ritual, and worldly programs. But it is the family that is being attacked with the most violence. This is the most tragic of all because it is the foundational institution of God. It is being attacked by adultery, fornication, permissiveness, homosexuality, abortion, women’s liberation, juvenile delinquency, and humanistic state education. Some Christian leaders teach that the Church is the most important of God’s institutions, but that is not true! If we do not have strong families, we will not have strong churches. The same is also true of our nation. God created the home first; He created it to be the foundation of all else.

The institution of the family is in serious trouble today, and may we say, Christians are not immune. There are many Christian homes today that have serious problems. Why? Because the Word of God is not the authority in that home. It is with those thoughts in mind that we begin our study of what God has designed for the Christian home.

Before we deal with the responsibilities of each family member, we must first look at something that at first seems quite unrelated. But it is this one thought that forms the entire foundation of a Godly home. This thought is, Spirit-filling, that is, as we’ll see, Spirit-control.

“Spirit-filling” is a much misunderstood subject; there is much false and confusing teaching on this subject. In fact, an entire theology has been built on false teaching concerning this passage and others. It is also quite significant that one of the strongest passages (if not the strongest passage) on Spirit-filling is found within the context of the Christian home. Paul is telling us that without Holy Spirit control we will not have a home, only a house with people in it.

In the posts to follow, we will note three things about “Spirit-filling”: the meaning, the manifestations, and the method of being filled.

Introduction to the Christian Home (1)

As we’ve noted, Ephesians chapters 4-6 reveal seven ways in which we are to walk, each of which in-turn is based on related doctrine in chapters 1-3. The first reality of our Christian walk is to walk in unity (4:1-16), the second is to walk in purity (4:17-32), the third is to walk in love (5:1-7), the fourth is to walk in light (5:8-14), and the fifth is to walk in wisdom (5:15-17). This brings us to the sixth—walk in submission (5:18-6:9). As we’ll see, submission is not just for wives (v. 22) but for everyone (v. 21).

Ephesians 5:18 actually begins the context on the Christian home—And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit. Some Bible teachers begin a study of the Christian home in verse 22, that well-known verse about the submission of the wife to the husband. But to do so is serious error, an error not only in doctrinal exposition, but in practical application as well. Beginning in verse 22 will do little but create rebellious wives. Further, not beginning in verse 18 will bring about a warped family life in general. Verse 18 lays the foundation of each family member first being Spirit-filled and then seeing our roles as husbands and wives.

We can go still further to say that the entire book of Ephesians is essential to the proper family life. Is not unity an essential element in the home? Is not purity an essential element of marriage? Is not love essential? Is it not necessary that each family member be walking according to light? Is not the same fact true of walking in wisdom? May we say again, how foundational the Epistle to the Ephesians is!

As we begin our study of the most important passage in God’s Word concerning the Christian home, let us consider two introductory thoughts.

First, there is a “revolution” going on in America today. The word “revolt” means “an uprising against authority, a rebellion, protest, or insurrection.” The revolution going on today is against the authority of the Word of God, and there is truly no better example of this uprising than when it comes to the home. It is common knowledge that one out of two marriages ends in divorce. A little research on this is truly enlightening and saddening. Looking at it on a per capita or percentage basis, the U.S. divorce rate for 2000 was 41% per capita per year, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. This is made even more significant, however, by the fact that this rate is only for the states that keep track of the number of divorces—California, Colorado, Indiana and Louisiana do not. In contrast to this rate, the Census Bureau consistently reports that the rate is closer to 50%.

Looking at the raw numbers is even more dramatic. The total number of marriages in the year 2000, for example, was 2,355,005—including the states that don’t report divorce numbers. Out of that number, there were 957,200 divorces, which is 40.6%—but again, excluding the states that don’t report divorce numbers. Another interesting statistic I found was that as of the year 2000, 18.5 percent of the US population is divorced (11,317,572). By gender, it’s: 8,572,000 males (8.3%) and 11,309,000 females (10.2%).

One other statistic, which actually is not about divorce specifically, but is another indication of America’s moral decline is that as of the year 2000, there were 3.8 million couples cohabiting outside of marriage, which obviously translates to 7.6 million people living in open sin outside of marriage.

Still further, however, only God knows how many couples are divorced in mind even though they occupy the same house. Why is that true? Some give answers such as, “They just need to better communicate with one another,” or, “They just need to understand and tolerate each other’s unique qualities,” or other such statements.

Now while such statements certainly have an element of truth in them, they all still miss the point. The reason why marriages fail and homes are in turmoil is because people are not governed by the Word of God. Whether the marital problem comes in the form of money, communication, sexual dysfunction, or any number of other things, these are only symptoms of the real problem. The Word of God is NOT the final authority for home life in America, and sad to say, this is true of many Christians.

This leads us to the second statement we need to consider, which we’ll examine next time.

Making Right Decisions

To walk according to wisdom, we must first walk circumspectly (Ephesians 5:15a), second, we must not be fools (v. 15b, 17a), and third, we must redeem our time (v. 16).

Fourth and finally, we must [understand] what the will of the Lord is (v. 17a). The fool tries to run his own life and tries to do things his own way, but the wise person desires to know God’s will in each and every given circumstance.

There are basically four Biblical principles for making decisions: Scripture is first, followed then by wisdom, desire, and counsel, all of which are also based on Scripture. Let’s test this Scripture-centered approach with an example of how to make a decision. Probably the biggest decision a Christian will make is who to marry.

First, what does Scripture dictate? The common idea is that there is “that one certain person” I should marry and that “I must wait for God to reveal that person to me.” But the Word of God says several things about who we should marry. One is that that person must be a true Christian. Some teachers stop there and feel that as long as someone is a Christian, then all is well. But the principle of the “unequal yoke” (II Cor. 6:14-17) goes further. There should also be agreement concerning Biblical doctrine. Radically differing doctrinal viewpoints are the ingredients for big conflicts. Another dictate is agreement concerning the Biblical roles of men and women. Do you agree about those roles as outlined in Ephesians 5:21-33 and elsewhere? Do you agree in how to raise children as outlined in Ephesians 6:1-4 and elsewhere? If there is not an “equal yoke” in such areas, you better take another look at the relationship and where it will end up.

Second, what does wisdom contribute to the decision?  As James declares, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him” (Jas. 1:5). This entails just examining the relationship and wisely discerning compatibility. Do you get along well with each other? I’ve seen dating couples who argue constantly but who think they want to get married. Do you both have some of the same interests? This probably won’t include everything, but are there some things you can do together? What are your goals and priorities? What are your views of money and how to handle it? Each one of the questions, and others that will arise, must be tied back in with Scripture.

Third, how does your desire fit into the equation? I was listening to one teacher on this very issue who asked, “Well, what if there are two choices of a prospective mate, two that meet the qualifications? Simple—pick one. Which one do you want?” Desire does have something to do with our decisions. Now, the most important aspect of desire is found in James 4:3: “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts.” Be sure your desire is not just lust, but a Godly, biblical desire. With that established, what do you want to do? Psalm 37:4 declares, “Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” The Preacher of Ecclesiastes 11:9 agrees, “Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes: but know thou, that for all these things God will bring thee into judgment.” There is nothing wrong with desire, as long as the desire is pure. Paul speaks of desire in this very area in I Corinthians 7:39, “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” “Will” is the Greek thelō, which means “to will, desire” and “by implication it means to be disposed or inclined toward [something], delight in, love, in which case it is a synonym of phileō, to love.”

Fourth, how does Godly counsel influence the decision? Here is the final “safety valve.” Proverbs says much about Godly counsel. “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise” (12:15). “Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established” (15:22). “Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end” (19:20). “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel” (27:9). A Godly friend, parent, or pastor might see something you don’t or might give an encouragement you didn’t consider.

This same procedure will apply to those other questions we asked earlier. What about where you should go to college? What about buying that new house or car? What about where you should go to church? What about starting a particular ministry or church program? And it will apply to any others that come our way.

Redeeming Your Time

To walk according to wisdom, we must first walk circumspectly (Ephesians 5:15a) and second we must not be fools (v. 15b, 17a).

Third, we must redeem our time (v. 16): Redeeming the time, because the days are evil. It is vital that we understand the word time as it is used in this text. There are two basic words in the Greek that are translated time. One is chronos (English, “chronometer”), which speaks of a time period which is not precisely known. Here in our text, however, we find the word kairos, the word which speaks of a more definite time, such as a date. The application is clear: God wants us to be concerned with decisive points of time and specific situations of life. In other words, God wants us to consider each and every moment to be an opportunity for growth, service, and witness. The fool wastes time, but the wise man invests it.

The Greek for redeeming (exagorazō) is a market term that literally means “to buy up.” The imagery here is vivid and vital. The root agora literally referred to the ancient market-place. The same word is used in verses that speak of Christ redeeming us, buying us out of the slave-market of sin (e.g., Gal. 3:13; 4:5). So, with the same imagery Paul is telling us that we are to “buy up” all our time and devote it God. Martyn Lloyd-Jones offers the translation, “Buying up the opportunity,” and one Greek authority says “to buy up intensively.” No one is wise who does not use his time for growth and service. Practical wisdom means we “buy up” and make the most of every opportunity for witness and service for our Lord. Just as a good shopper seizes on a bargain when he or she finds it, the faithful Christian recognizes an opportunity to glorify the Savior.

The well-known author and lecturer John Erskine said that he learned the most valuable lesson of his life when he was only fourteen years old. His piano teacher asked him how much he practiced each day. Probably thinking he would be praised for his efforts, Erskine replied that he usually sat down for an hour or more. But the teacher warned, “Oh, don’t do that. When you grow up, time won’t come to you in long stretches like that. Do your practicing in minutes wherever you can find them—five or ten before school, a few after lunch or in between chores. Spread it throughout the day, and music will become a part our your life.” Erskine said that he later applied that principle to his writing. He wrote nearly all his most famous work, The Private Life of Helen of Troy, on streetcars while commuting between his home and the university.

Others have done this in history. 19^th Century English historian Thomas Macaulay learned German during a sea voyage. American inventor Robert Fulton was also a painter and invented the steamboat in his spare time, as did Samuel Morse the telegraph. The famous Scottish physician John Abercrombie wrote many valuable books with a lead-pencil while visiting his patients. Benjamin Franklin taught himself math, grammar, logic, and several languages while working in a printer’s shop. And the list goes on.

That is the meaning of redeeming the time. Each and every moment of the day is an opportunity. Missed opportunities can never be recaptured.

Why is this such an important issue? Because the days are evil. The Greek behind evil (poneros) which means “bad, causing disaster, dangerous . . . and ethically reprehensible.” In Greek literature, for example, this word was used to describe Hercules as ponērotatos kai apiston, “wicked and untrustworthy.” This word appears some 78 times in the New Testament and, therefore, speaks of “evil in a moral or spiritual sense, wicked, malicious, mischievous.” Our Lord uses it in Matthew 5:11 for malicious speech, “Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.” He uses it to refer to false prophets, “which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves,” and that we will know them by their “evil fruit” (7:15-17). He uses it again in 12:34 in reference to the Pharisees, “O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” He also refers to Satan himself as the “wicked one” (13:19), as does Luke of King Herod (Lk. 3:19).

So, Paul’s readers clearly understood this Greek word. They lived in a horrifically wicked day, and so do we. It is because of the evil all around us that we must [redeem] the time.

There is one other principle involved in true wisdom, which we examine next time.

Don’t Be a Fool

To walk according to wisdom, we must first walk circumspectly (Ephesians 5:15a).

Second, we must not be  fools: not as fools . . . Wherefore be ye not unwise (v. 15b, 17a). It seems obvious, but Paul mentions it anyway, that to be wise, we must not act like fools. In disastrous contrast to the Believer who walks carefully and examines everything, there is the “fool” who examines nothing and easily believes most anything. The full idea behind the Greek for fools (asophos) is “without any spiritual wisdom whatsoever, no discernment, no accuracy, no precision, no exactness.” This again challenges today’s lack of knowledge and discernment in the Church. How much unwise teaching there is!

But how interesting it is that Paul is not done dealing with the fool. In verse 17, he says again, Wherefore be ye not unwise. The full meaning of the Greek for unwise (aphron) is “one who can’t think straight or correctly and can’t control his thoughts and attitudes.” As 19^th Century Greek scholar Joseph Thayer defines it, “Without reason . . . senseless, foolish, stupid, without reflection or intelligence, acting rashly.” In Luke 11:40, the Lord Jesus calls the Pharisees “fools” because they thought doing something external would satisfy God. Nothing is more foolish than thinking that a Holy God could be satisfied by any works a man could do.

When we stop and really ponder the growing trends of our day, we find that today’s “fool” can be described in three ways.

First, the fool is concerned about the abstract instead of the absolute. Facts are really not important today. In fact, they get in the way and disrupt unity. After all, it is argued, doctrine divides, love unites. Truth is relative to each person’s point of view. The more abstract, the more “open,” the more broad we are, the more people we will appeal to. This is the height of folly because nothing is absolute, nothing is sure.

Second, the fool is concerned about wants instead of the Word. Most churches being built today, both liberal and evangelical, are not being founded on a ministry of the Word of God, rather upon what people want. To build one of the most famous and largest churches in America, one “pastor” did a survey in the community to ask people what they wanted in a church and then he supplied it, from entertainment to every appealing program imaginable. Where is that method to church building revealed in Scripture? Rather, that approach comes from the popular notion that the Church is to appeal to the “unchurched” and to “seekers.” But where does the New Testament teach that? The answer is: It doesn’t. It’s as simple as that. Scripture alone simply is neither the foundation nor the emphasis.

Third, the fool is concerned about feelings instead of faith. True faith must have an object, and that object must be Christ and his Word. Today, however, feelings drive people’s belief system. Whether they are voting for a political candidate, looking for a church, or accepting a new teaching, it’s all based on feelings. Facts aren’t the issue, faith in what God says in His Word is not the issue, rather how it makes them feel is the issue. It’s not the intellect that rules, rather it’s an impulse that rules. There is great zeal, but nothing real. This has even kicked open the door to the growing frequency of mysticism, which teaches finding God through visions and revelations.

All this reveals a total lack of any spiritual wisdom whatsoever (asophos) and reveals that which is without reason, senseless, without reflection or intelligence (aphron). As we’ll see later, the only way to avoid being foolish is to “[understand] what the will of the Lord is.”

Walking With Precision

In Ephesians 5:15-17 we read, See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise. Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.  Wherefore be ye not unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is.

We often hear people speak of “being wise.” We hear such things as, “Oh, that fellow is wise in the ways of the world,” or, “He is wise in business,” or, “He is wise beyond his years,” or “He is wise because of how many years he has lived,” and so forth. On the other hand, some Christians seem to think that just being a Christian makes them wise. Oddly, for example, one respected commentator writes, “Just as in Christ God miraculously makes us immediately righteous, sanctified, and redeemed, He also makes us immediately wise.” If that were true, however, why are there so many foolish Christians today? And why, then, does Paul command it here? Why is he so specific about how to be wise? Why does James ask, “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God” (Jas. 1:5)? In fact, if we do not follow Paul’s command here, he tells us that we are actually fools.

No, wisdom is not automatic. It doesn’t come by osmosis; we don’t assimilate it from what is going on around us. Wisdom comes only by God’s Word. Specifically, Paul tells us here that we can only be called wise if four facts are true of us. These facts are the right kind of knowledge and the right use of knowledge.

First, to be wise we must walk with precision: See then that ye walk circumspectly (v. 15a). As we detailed back in 4:1, walk, of course, is again peripateo, “to walk about,” figuratively, “conduct of life,” that is, how we conduct ourselves as we walk through life. Paul’s point here is that walking the Christian life is not a matter of “winging it,” making it up as we go along. The word circumspectly is crucial. In their zeal for simplicity, modern translations miss the force of this word by replacing it with “be careful.” Circumspectly is from the Latin circumspectus. The verb form, circumspecto, means “to look all around, be on the lookout.” Circumspectly is clearly a better translation; it tells us to look everywhere as we walk.

That is idea also of the Greek, akribos (English, “accurate”), which speaks of precision, diligence, accuracy, and exactness. It is used in Matthew 2:8, for example, where Herod sent the wise men to Bethlehem and told them to “search diligently for the young child.” It is also used in Acts 18:25 to describe Apollos, who was “mighty in the scriptures” (v. 24) and “taught diligently the things of the Lord.” (No better word could be said of a preacher, a word that describes fewer and fewer of today’s preachers.) So the idea is clear that we are to look, examine, and investigate our walk with the utmost care. To be wise is to walk watchfully, look at and carefully examining everything with which we come in contact.

In some European countries, to protect property, the owners often build a high wall, the top of which they cover with broken glass embedded in the mortar to discourage intruders who might try to climb over it. One can sometimes see a cat walking circumspectly along the top of such a wall. You’ll see it cautiously pick up one paw and then place it precisely where there’s no glass. Once that paw is in place, it then moves the next one and so on. That does, indeed, picture it!

Most of us have experienced a situation when a momentary distraction caused an accident. One of mine was several years ago while driving. After allowing a split second distraction to take my eyes off the road, when they returned a deer was standing in my lane. Startled, I did the worst possible thing—I swerved—and ended up off the road with a smashed front end. We must constantly be looking around for the quagmires, snares, and pitfalls that we can easily miss.

This should immediately remind us of the principle of discernment, which we examined carefully back in 4:14. In a day when discernment in the Church is fading into total oblivion, Paul challenges us to investigate and examine everything. Someone has wisely said, “When the pilot does not know what port he is heading for, no wind is the right wind.”

This leads to a second principle, which we’ll examine next time.

What Wisdom Is

As we’ve noted, Ephesians chapters 4-6 reveal seven ways in which we are to walk, each of which in-turn is based on related doctrine in chapters 1-3. The first reality of our Christian walk is to walk in unity (4:1-16), the second is to walk in purity (4:17-32), the third is to walk in love (5:1-7), and the fourth is to walk in Light (5:8-14). We come now to the fifth, walk in wisdom (5:15-17).

Wisdom truly is a fascinating subject. It is spoken of often by Christian and non-Christian, but it is often not fully understood by either. Wisdom is often defined as “good judgment,” but while that is true to a certain extent, true wisdom goes far beyond that.

As Paul writes in Ephesians 5:15, we are not to walk as fools, but as wise. But what does wisdom fully mean? We first encountered the concept of wisdom back in Ephesians 1:8: “Wherein he hath abounded toward us in all wisdom and prudence.” For the sake of our present study, let us review the two words found there. Wise is the Greek sophia, a word which was very important to the ancient Greeks; they wrote and thought much about it. The word speaks of a quality or an attitude rather than an action. The basic meaning, according to Aristotle, is, “Knowledge of the most precious things.” To be more specific, this is the intellectual knowledge of ultimate realities such as life and death. “Prudence” is the Greek phronesis, and like sophia, it was an important word to the ancient Greeks. The basic meaning is “a way of thinking, a frame, intelligence, good sense.”

But the word often has the fuller idea of “discernment and judicious insight.” Again, Aristotle tells us that this is the knowledge of human affairs and of things in which planning is necessary. Another ancient Greek, Plutarch, describes this as practical knowledge of the things which concern us. That is crucial. It’s one thing to know something, but quite another to put it into practice.

To correlate all that, there are times when these words are interchanged, but again phronesis is more practical than sophia. This is further substantiated by the words being used together. Surely Paul is not being repetitious here; rather he is referring not only to theoretical knowledge, but practical application as well. To the Greek mind, if a man had both of these, he was thoroughly equipped for life. So, may we say that every person needs both of these. Many people are “intellectuals” who have great theoretical knowledge, but they have little common sense and cannot accomplish the practical things of life. On the other hand, there are those who are quite practical and “down to earth” but are not concerned with deeper knowledge of ultimate realities. Every one of us needs both of these, and God has given us both. It is up to us to claim them.

We are now ready to view wise as it used here in our text. Since there is a certain amount of the practical use of knowledge in the Greek sophia, then we see that God wants us to use our knowledge correctly. In fact, this is what Bible teachers usually say about wisdom. However, the fact remains that sophia speaks primarily of knowledge. Therefore, God wants His people to have and use the right kind of knowledge. He want us not only to know things, but to know the right kind of things. And He not only wants us to use that knowledge, but to use it correctly. The question now is, what knowledge is Paul concerned with?

This leads us to our second thought—what wisdom involves—which we’ll explore next time.